I’m happy to share with you and, hopefully get back to doing these types of posts more regularly. I see how they can help but…MAN, this was hard to write!

What began as a quick update, resulted in…something deeper.

Sharing where I am now (finally over the “mountain top”) kinda meant referring back to some stuff that affected me years and years ago (the “stones along the climb” up).

Feel free to share your thoughts, personal progresses and lessons learned too.

I’m all ears!

So…I mentioned a couple weeks ago that there has been there has been a shift!

Over the past few years, I’ve begun to feel more authentically confident.

I feel more peace about…just being.

CONFIDENCE

Sometimes I wonder if authentic confidence is just something that naturally happens, as you get older. Or, if it only graces a select few in youth.

By authentic confidence, I mean that sort of peace and calmness that you possess. It isn’t directly dependent upon things (tangible or no), other people’s perceptions of you, or life circumstance. You don’t seek “permission” from others to do the things that you want to do in life. You just be! You just do things! And, you generally feel good about being.

Do you feel this way now? Have you always felt this way?

At 31, I’m getting closer.

Wait, am I 31?

Yes.

A huge step for me was getting out of my own head.

Sometimes, I would work myself up into a BIG fuss over what other people thought of me.

I cared. Greatly. It didn’t matter if you were my closest friend or a stranger on the street.

I always wanted to make sure I was being thought of well and perceived in a good light.

Honestly, I still want that but, I’ve given up caring so hard.

I’ve learned that I can not control those perceptions all the live long day. It’s impossible. Not to mention, INSANE!

I mean, it’s a complete process…
You wonder what the person might think about you, and most times (in your head) what they’re thinking isn’t good or it has somehow been misinterpreted, so you don’t feel good about that, and you wonder, “How can I get them to see me and, understand me better?” then, you think some more and come up with all these elegant excuses & extraordinary explanations for yourself (and sometimes, even change your actions) so that you can ultimately “win their favor” or “set the record straight”, so that they might see you in a better light, see you for who you really are…
But then, maybe they won’t.

Ugh! Next.

I feel like…most people want to be perceived well.

Those, who see you, will see you.

Those who don’t, won’t.
Maybe those “unseen” relationships weren’t meant to be anyway and you’ve just been saved the headache. Or, the heartache.

If you have to be two steps ahead (in thought) to catch any misconceived notions, just to set them straight, well–what kind of relationship is that? You’ll be playing that very exhausting game (with yourself) forever, or however long you want to keep it (and the relationship) going.

Something else dawned on me.

What if they aren’t thinking of you at all?…

In that case, all that fuss is really all for naught.

Another step for me was this notion of permission.

Permission, in itself, is a funny thing.

As a kid, it’s pretty necessary. You ask permission of your parents or guardian and, most other adults in your life, really.

…Is this okay? Can I have this? May I do that?…

Entering adulthood, at some point, permission is no longer really required, and yet, some of us still seek it. Why is that?

I mean, certainly with some things like employment, religion, and the law, it exists. But, generally, in your own personal adult life…

You’re in charge!

You make the decisions. You call the shots.

Realizing this was HUGE for me because, I’ve often felt like others (more so culture and tradition than any specific individuals) were the “authority”, and that I should just go along with what was said to be “best” or the “ideal way to live”. If I wanted something other than that, I needed to get some winning consent first. I needed to have a gang of signatures on my permission slip because, only that would make what I wanted “A-OK”!

“Be a good little girl and don’t cause trouble.”…a little bit of that whole bit.

Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!

Ugh.

Really realizing that I’m not a little girl anymore, and that I don’t need the world’s permission to do AN-Y-THING was like…well…looking down and “feeling my balls” for the first time. Ha!

Very firm. Very nice.

The hugest hurdle of all for me was getting over being über self-conscious.
Like a lot of kids and young people, I was self-conscious about a lot of things and struggled with that for a very long time growing up. Because, in school (specifically elementary and high school), looks & appearances mattered. I’m sure they still do. I mean, I can’t imagine how kids today are getting along there. With cell phones and iPads, and friggin’ Twitter accounts. I’m sure the ones without that stuff are not having it easy. Has it always been this way? The “Have’s” and the “Have-Not’s”. Will it always be this way? I digress.

Growing up, I had terrible, terrible eczema. It prompted questions from curious classmates as to whether I was burned in a house fire.

That didn’t help my confidence at all.

I had quite a few teachers that cared. Some a little too much. I knew they felt sorry for me.

That made me even more self-conscious.

And of course, there were plenty of outside pressures (growing up) to look & be a certain way.

I remember wanting long, flowing hair. Flawless skin. And, Jessica Rabbit’s boobs.

Never happened! Except maybe the hair.

Not having or being able to obtain certain things that I desired (from culture) also affected my confidence.

As I got older and my skin condition began to go away, I thought I’d dealt with the emotional pain it had caused but, I hadn’t really. I just pretended to, which, effectively made me feel like I was cured from my self-conscious being.

I walked, and talked, and dressed like a confident young woman. After doing this for a while, I did indeed feel like, a confident young woman!

The idea of “fake it till you make it” does work, and yet, it didn’t help me at all.

After years of “faking it”, it became clear that I didn’t have the type of confidence that I thought I had. Because, my confidence was dependent upon…things (bouncy hair, fancy clothes, my education, abilities etc.). Things that I didn’t care for it to be based on.

It wasn’t real.

It got real though.

I cut off my biggest unhealthy attachment. A couple others were cut off for me.

As a result, I finally saw me.

It was not an immediate thing but, slowly (specifically over these last few years), I began to feel the ease of authentic confidence slip in.

I didn’t have to try so damn hard any more.

I could finally just begin to…be.

GUILT & BEING

Have you ever felt guilty about being who you are?

I never really liked the saying “Just be yourself” because, it’s always said like it’s this easy, effortless thing to do.

Being yourself is not easy. It’s very, very hard.

Why?

Firstly, because we don’t always know who we are. As we find out, acceptance can be difficult.

And second, people like to give you crap about being yourself when it doesn’t fit their standards or, whatever idea they have in their heads of how you “should” be!

A few years ago, I struggled a lot with acceptance.

I was realizing things about myself. Things that I didn’t really feel like changing but, I felt like I should change to be a “better person”.

I enjoyed discovering these truths, and yet, I noticed that I also felt terribly guilty about a few of them. I’d be hard on myself as a result of that guilt.

A Blogger friend shared the following with me:

“I don’t think that you get to a point where you will get rid of the “guilt” until you accept that it’s you and there is nothing “wrong” with it.”

That was like a lightbulb being turnt on in my head at that time!

There’s nothing wrong with it? What do you mean? Say that again please.

A great deal of what I believed was based on the notion of “right and wrong”. Gray areas didn’t exist. So, there was no room to feel free about being in regards to those aspects.

So, let me be more specific.

I am a quiet person. You wouldn’t know it from the length of some of my blog posts but, I am.

The fact that I don’t really enjoy having to have conversations or social settings like parties used to really bother me.

I’d feel guilty and I’d beat myself up about it, because I thought…”What kind of person doesn’t like parties”?

The answer would come.

“A boring person.”

Well–damn. I didn’t want to be a “boring person”! LOL

In my mind, it wasn’t a favorable thing. It wasn’t acceptable. It wasn’t “right”. And yet, the fact remained.

So, how did I come to accept it?

Well…honestly, simply, I remembered what she told me.

“…it’s you and there is nothing “wrong” with it.”

For some reason, that echoed over and over again in my head.

So what if I don’t like parties! So what if I’m not inherently gregarious! So what if I’m a “boring person”!

It’s me and there is nothing wrong with it.

Now, if I decided that I wanted to make a change, then that would be my decided choice.

I knew that accepting what was already true was an important thing to do.

I started applying this notion to all of my truths (that made me feel guilty). As a result, I felt much more free about being.

I must add that blogging has played (and continues to play) a tremendous role in my journey.

Looking back at some earlier posts, I am able to see the aforementioned changes. I can hear and feel a sense of growth, which is pretty cool.

The fact that I’ve been challenged and inspired by so many other Bloggers and Vloggers is also awesome! Their motivational words, timely advice and encouragement helped push me towards this much calmer place of improved (and less judgmental) self-perception. Thanks Yep, JT, Jacquai, Roshini, Sunshine, BronzeGoddess, and Yvette!

It makes me feel even more like…everyone has a story to tell and experiences to share. And that, our experiences must have some significance (not merely because their our experiences but…) because, when shared, they can help someone else to grow and hopefully share theirs. It continues on, and soon everyone’s filled with some level of inspiration.

Sweet.

From a Window Seat, by Dawes

Nice!

Video Credit.

Start with clean, detangled hair and apply a leave-in conditioner. I shampoo’d & conditioned with Head & Shoulders 2-in-1, Itchy Scalp Care, then applied Giovanni Direct Leave-In conditioner.

Grab 1-inch sections of hair, and start making braids. Smaller sections would probably work best if your hair is shorter, and bigger sections if your hair is longer. Braid in the direction you want your hair to go. Since I wanted a forward ‘hawk, I braided my hair down my forehead. Use hair pins or clips, if your hair likes to stick up or wander off in weird directions.

Allow hair to fully dry.

Unravel the braids. For a more defined look, you’re done!

For a more natural look, use a hair pick or comb to comb through at the roots (holding the hair taut near the ends). Use your hands to tousle and play with your hair until your desired look is achieved. Try not to disturb the ends. Brush the shaved sides, if you like.

Done!

Want to see more hair?
Check out these Bantu Knot and Twist Out Tutorials!

Transitioning to natural & need a few tips?
Go here!

Same outfit. Different accessories. Oh, and a blazer jacket!

Blazer: Banana Republic • T-Shirt: J.Crew • Jeans: Hudson
Pumps: Halogens • Necklace: Urban Outfitters • Bag: Abro

Find similar black leather tote bags with gold hardware here, here, and here.
Find a compass necklace here.
Searching for a cute pair of mid-heel, animal print pumps? Check these out.

My friends and I turn down the narrow, florescent-lit hall.

We make it to class. It’s Chemistry. Or, Biology.

My friends aren’t my friends anymore. They’re just classmates.

Per usual, I don’t have my paper written and, it’s due today!

I realize, suddenly, I’ve also missed a crucial test. Then, the fact that I’ve actually missed a gang of classes. For what, I have no idea!

Thoughts and explanations flip through my mind. What can I say to my teacher? How do I ask for pardon?

Watching all my classmates get their graded test papers back, I feel this horrible, sinking feeling.

I’m going to fail.

And then, I wake up. Always.

Making gyros? Don’t skip this sauce!

Here is the Recipe: (adapted from food.com, by GlutenFree)

Tzatziki Sauce
1 cup sour cream
1 medium cucumber (skinned, shredded and drained on paper towel to remove much of the water)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon fresh dill (chopped)
1/2 tablespoon fresh parsley (chopped)
1 teaspoon garlic (minced)

• Mix all ingredients together in a medium bowl, or container with a lid.
• Refrigerate for at least an hour (or, let sit over night to let the flavors meddle).

Serve with these great Ground Turkey Gyros!

Who doesn’t like the idea of tender, well-seasoned meat on a fresh, warm pita bread?

Add a zesty sauce, a few toppings, and you got yourself a real treat!

This recipe is easy, and it uses ground turkey instead of lamb.

Let’s get into it…

Here is the Recipe: (adapted from, food.com by Rpgaymer)

Ground Turkey Gyros
1 lb lean ground turkey
1/2 cup oatmeal (I used 1-minute quick oats, Quaker brand)
1 egg
1/2 teaspoon paprika
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon dried parsley
1 1/2 teaspoons dried oregano
1 1/2 teaspoons garlic powder
1 1/2 teaspoons onion powder
1/4 teaspoon cumin
A pinch of cinnamon
Extra virgin olive oil

• Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
• Put all of the ingredients in a bowl, and spend a few minutes kneading the mixture with your hands so that everything is very well combined. (I like to mix all the ingredients together, minus the ground turkey, first. Then add the ground turkey in last, and knead for a few minutes.)
• Put the mixture onto a lightly oiled 9×13 pan. Line with non-stick foil, for easy clean-up.
• Smash the meat mixture down with your hands a bit until it looks like a very large hamburger patty.
• Bake for 35 minutes.
• Remove, then cut the meat into thin slices.
• If you want a crispier, more authentic gyros texture, lay the sliced meat down on the pan and place in the broiler for 5 more minutes.
• Layer the meat on fresh pita brea, then garnish with desired toppings.
Devour!

I added green leaf lettuce, tomato, cucumber, red onion and tzatziki sauce on our gyros.

YUM-YUM!

I must say, seeing oatmeal listed as an ingredient made me a bit hesitant to try this recipe. But. The addition was pure genius (Thanks Rpgaymer!) It really gives the ground turkey more of that true “gyro texture”. And, the spices were all right-on!

The first time I made this I didn’t feel like making a tzatziki sauce so, I just used plain sour cream. Not bad. It’s not as authentic or flavorful but, the flavor of the meat was so good that I didn’t really miss it. I suppose you could also use plain Greek yogurt as well.

The next time, I did make the sauce and, it makes the gyros all the more delicious. I will post that recipe next.

If you try this, I hope you enjoy it as much as we did!

Feel free to come back & share your experience.

Ever wonder how different you (and your life) would be if you weren’t your parents child? If you were maybe born to the couple in the next hospital room? Or, perhaps to parents in a different hospital in another city, state, or country?

When I think about this, it makes me believe stronger in the idea of having a predestined path in life.

One thing leads to another. And, it’s not always by choice.

There are several other things at the beginning (in birth) that are not of our choosing.

• Gender.
• Birth place.
• Time period.

If you could in fact choose, would you want to?

Thank you all for entering this giveaway!

Without further ado…

The winner of the nail polish is…
Tharjye.

The winner of the lipstick is…
I.A. Jefferson.

Congratulations! I’ve emailed you both. Please respond as soon as possible to claim your prize. Or, another winner will be drawn randomly on 5/9/13. Thank you!

Like gyros? Don’t like lamb?

Stay tuned!

I found an outstanding recipe for restaurant-quality gyro meat that uses ground turkey instead of lamb.

So far, so good! 

Here’s the gist:
The Boys of My Youth, by Jo Ann Beard
“The author writes with perfect pitch as she takes us through one woman’s life – from childhood to marriage & beyond – & memorably captures the collision of youthful longing & the hard intransigences of time & fate.”  -Amazon

What are you reading right now?