Realizing things about yourself can be like a light bulb being turned on. Theres this instantaneous “Oh!” feeling.
My mother tells me how quiet a baby I was, when I cried. If she was in the next room, she could barely hear me…my cries were so faint.
On report card day, my teachers would often tell my mother how good a student I was, how they wished they had more student’s like me, and would write the word “quiet” on the back of my card.
Classmates & co-workers would use the same word to describe me. Quiet.
I always knew I was a person of few (spoken) words, but it wasn’t until recently that these pieces came together in my mind.
Growing up, even though I felt completely comfortable being a quiet person, I didn’t always like being called “quiet”. In my mind, it wasn’t cool; so, I’d try to come up with things to say to contribute to conversations…fill awkward silences…and fit in with the seemingly “effortless talkers”.
“How do they do it?”, I wondered. It didn’t seem like it required as much thought, as I was putting into it. What should I say?…What should I say?…No, that was already said…Okay, Got it!…Say it…Now…
Words would then spew from my mouth & I’d feel relieved that I added something, whether it was meaningful or not. Talking for the sake of talking. It was uncomfortable; sometimes painful & a complete waste of my energy!
Now, I find myself much less concerned about such small things.
Why worry about developing something to say, when you naturally have nothing to say? Why further the discomfort of an awkward silence with superfluous words? Why not take comfort in a group of people who are “natural talkers”. They make it look easy because maybe IT IS easy, for them. It may be who they are.
If you’re a quiet person, be quiet. It’s okay. It’s who you are!
It is who I am.